


Anthropomorphic

by hetty_grace



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drinking, M/M, bored, lockdown - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:21:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25067602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hetty_grace/pseuds/hetty_grace
Summary: Just them getting drunk during lockdown
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Anthropomorphic

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning alcohol (drinking just for the sake of being drunk)  
> don’t turn to substances purely for escapism   
> https://alcoholchange.org.uk/help-and-support/get-help-now  
> (just in case, don’t struggle alone)   
> But also if u an adult then fuck it do what you like
> 
> Idk, lock down is hard but this work of fiction is meant to be light hearted. So now to the light hearted bit....

You know that stage of being pissed where you start dismantling bits of your furniture, and walk around your house with it, well that is exactly the situation that sets our scene.

It’s uncommon for them to get this drunk. Hell they can’t even really remember the last time they were this bad. Lockdown has be tough and has encouraged some particularly bad habits: 24/7 pyjamas, “another episode?”, a general “treat yo self” mentality because honestly people need to remain happy in these times.

The other bad habits they picked up were: Sex and drugs and rock and roll. Well if by drugs you mean alcohol and caffeine and by rock and roll you mean indie pop. Which in his youth Dan would have considered it to be more an oxymoron than a music genre but he’s started to mellow with his age. Something about summer just makes you want to listen to the same upbeat song, on repeat, each time with different lyrics. That wasn’t a jibe....promise, it’s just not very Ian Dury but then again neither were they. Less Sid and Nancy more Bill and Ben. Oh Bill and Ben, the true gay agenda, amen.

So anyway, getting to the point, the alcohol. It wasn’t a big thing, in fact it’s not necessarily even worth deeming a thing at all. It’s just a cheeky cocktail on Thursday night has turned into every night and some nights it’s more than one. It was mainly just a social thing, to have with dinner, to drink whilst doing a zoom pub quiz. It’s also brought about a new couple activity: finding a recipe, prepare the ingredients, make Dan do all the mixing whilst Phil gives him “oh so helpful” constructive criticism. Tonight however the dial had been turned from cheeky to just down right scandalous. At this point they’re not even mixing vodka, just swigging it from the bottle, like first years at freshers.

It is bad.

Dan is currently laying on his back, feet in the air in a kind of L shape against the wall. In his hands a bottle opener, which he is having a very fun time with, making it dance.

“Don’t you think this bottle opener look lik- like a little man”

“Anthonymorphy”

Replied his equally disheveled partner in crime, Phil. Who was currently sat on a sofa cushion which he had dragged down the stairs around 20 minutes ago for reason which, well he can quite remember. Sat on said sofa cushion he was having quite a fun game of solo floor is lava, whilst trying to fit his whole ass body on a 70x70 cm square. It is fair to mention he was currently losing this game.

“Didn’t he voice donkey?”A knowing smile spreading across his face,

Phil however decided to completely ignore Dans dire attempt at humour,

“It’s called anthonymophy, when like things look like things”

A huge snort escaped Dan, muchto Phil’s dismissal “When things” he took a breath for dramatic effect “look like things. Phil, English expert everyone”

Dan received a glare

“shuddup”

And suddenly they were both laughing. Laughing so hard in fact that Dan had too reposition himself and actually sit like a normal human being.

Their eyes were now level. The worlds oh so most serious staring contest began, in which collectively they blinked at least six time but most of those “didn’t count” because “they weren’t real blinks” or their opponent was “making it up” to trick the other into putting their guard down. Yes, because there really is that much strategy in a staring match.

Now, not sure about you, but nothing is honestly quite a sexually stimulating as holding direct eye contact for 10+ mins without (they totally blinked) blinking. In fact it could go up there in top 3 most sexy things ever, right next to bare shoulders and magic tricks. But something about it must work because it doesn’t take long for Dan to start crawling over to Phil’s lap. Well it was more of an awkward knee shuffle to the opposing side of the hallway. In fact he only made the first...shuffle? before having to put his arms out onto the wall in front too stop himself going face first into the laminate; entrapping Phil against the wall, Dan’s hands either side ofhis face. The height of elegance, honestly.

“well this is nice”

There have probably been more attractive jellyfish than the level in which their current situation is emitting. That’s not a diss at jellyfish by the way, ya know out of all the marine creatures they’re probably the coolest lads, they glow rather prettily, but would you look at one and be like “ damn she hot” ? NO. And that is basically an over complex explanation on Dan and Phil right now.

The truth of the matter is, it’s not like it is in the movies. The cushion in which he had previously been sat apon has slipped meaning Phil is now slightly slumped against the wall. And to make up for this height difference Dan has now had to hunch over a bit. Also due to “that FUCKING PILLOW” Dan cannot comfortably straddle his partner as apparently it will only fit three legs on it at a time. So he’s slightly tilted to the left. (... aren’t we all, socialism.)

They make it work.

The battle of tongues starts. Literally the most disgusting wording, sorry. In fact just the general word ‘tongue’, ain’t the nicest.

Basically, they kiss.

Quite a bit in fact.

Where are those going?

Phil’s hands travel the length of Dan’s spine a few times before finally biting the bullet and tucking his hand into the top of Dan’s boxers. This may not seem like a big thing....just some generic arse touching? But it clearly was a very strategic move as suddenly the grinding starts.

Yep they’re straight up ‘that’ couple at a party. But they’re not at a party. They’re alone in their home. Which just makes them ‘that’ couple. They also happen to be in a proper adult relationship. Okay maybe they have every right to act this way. Go for it fellas.

And then.

“Shitttt”

...?

“Shit shit shitty fuck on a speed boat”

A 6’2 man just falls. Side ways. Onto the floor. You’re starting to see the issue. In their state and positioning, one of them falling over wasn’t an option. So down they both go.

“Cramp”

Being knelt on a wonky surface, maybe not his best idea.

But laying on the floor of the hallway, of his house, which he owns right next to his soulmate, not the worst outcome was it.


End file.
